"In default of others, I am myself my own spectator and self-appreciator--critical, discerning, vigilant, fond!--my own stupid Boswell, shrewd if silly. This spectator of mine, it seems to me, must be a very moral gentleman and eminently superior. His incessant attentions, while I go on my way misconducting myself, goad me at times into a surly, ill-tempered outbreak, like Dr. Johnson. I hate being shadowed and reported like this. Yet on the whole--like old Samuel again--I am rather pleased to be Boswelled. It flatters me to know that at least one person takes an unremitting interest in all my ways."
— Cummings, Bruce Frederick [pseud. W. N. P. Barbellion] (1889-1919)
Work Title
Place of Publication
New York
Publisher
George H. Doran and Co.
Date
1919
Metaphor
"In default of others, I am myself my own spectator and self-appreciator--critical, discerning, vigilant, fond!--my own stupid Boswell, shrewd if silly. This spectator of mine, it seems to me, must be a very moral gentleman and eminently superior. His incessant attentions, while I go on my way misconducting myself, goad me at times into a surly, ill-tempered outbreak, like Dr. Johnson. I hate being shadowed and reported like this. Yet on the whole--like old Samuel again--I am rather pleased to be Boswelled. It flatters me to know that at least one person takes an unremitting interest in all my ways."
Metaphor in Context
Every man is an inexhaustible treasury of human personality. He can go on burrowing in it for an eternity if he have the desire--and a taste for introspection. I like to keep myself well within the field of the microscope, and, with as much detachment as I can muster, to watch myself live, to report my observations of what I say, feel, think. In default of others, I am myself my own spectator and self-appreciator--critical, discerning, vigilant, fond!--my own stupid Boswell, shrewd if silly. This spectator of mine, it seems to me, must be a very moral gentleman and eminently superior. His incessant attentions, while I go on my way misconducting myself, goad me at times into a surly, ill-tempered outbreak, like Dr. Johnson. I hate being shadowed and reported like this. Yet on the whole--like old Samuel again--I am rather pleased to be Boswelled. It flatters me to know that at least one person takes an unremitting interest in all my ways.
And, mind you, there are people who have seen most things but have never seen themselves walking across the stage of life. If someone shows them glimpses of themselves they will not recognise the likeness. How do you walk? Do you know your own idiosyncrasies of gait, manner of speech, etc.?
I never cease to interest myself in the Gothic architecture of my own fantastic soul.
(pp. 179-180)
And, mind you, there are people who have seen most things but have never seen themselves walking across the stage of life. If someone shows them glimpses of themselves they will not recognise the likeness. How do you walk? Do you know your own idiosyncrasies of gait, manner of speech, etc.?
I never cease to interest myself in the Gothic architecture of my own fantastic soul.
(pp. 179-180)
Categories
Provenance
Reading
Citation
W. N. P. Barbellion, The Journal of a Disappointed Man (New York: George H. Doran and Co., 1919). <Link to Google Books>
Date of Entry
01/05/2017
