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"But the useful and profitable Conversations which give a right Stamp and Impression to our Minds, are those Friends that will be Supporters to us in our Prosperities, Safeguards in our Difficulties, Counsellors in our Doubts, and Comforts in our Adversities."

— Bulstrode, Richard, Sir (1610-1711)

Author

Bulstrode, Richard, Sir (1610-1711)

Work Title

Miscellaneous Essays

Place of Publication

London

Publisher

printed for Jonas Browne

Date

1715

Metaphor

"But the useful and profitable Conversations which give a right Stamp and Impression to our Minds, are those Friends that will be Supporters to us in our Prosperities, Safeguards in our Difficulties, Counsellors in our Doubts, and Comforts in our Adversities."

Metaphor in Context

Thus Cynical Men, who out of Pride of their own Parts disdain Company, and can no more endure Conversation than Owls the Day-Light, like Gold in the Bowels of the Earth, their Parts are useless and good for nothing, who cannot without Offence walk the Publick Ways; they are Saints indeed in private, and live only to God and to themselves; but being call'd forth into common Life, they are like Bats in the Sun, and utterly ignorant of Publick Affairs. And the Conversation and Friendship of those whose End is only Civility and mutual Visits, like Leaf-Gold they are blown away with every little Wind of Distaste, or Neglect of Ceremony; and in an equal Degree to these are they to be reckon'd, who are Amici inter prandium & sartaginem, ad ostium tabernae fratres & amici, ad ostium carceris neque fratres neque amici: But the useful and profitable Conversations which give a right Stamp and Impression to our Minds, are those Friends that will be Supporters to us in our Prosperities, Safeguards in our Difficulties, Counsellors in our Doubts, and Comforts in our Adversities. With these we ought to contract a strict Acquaintance and Inwardness, and to embrace their Company upon all fitting Opportunities, using herein a wise Moderation, which carries with it both an Honour and Grace of Manners; for to seek Company and to fly it, are two Extreams to be blamed; to shun all Company argues a Contempt of others, and makes us generally hated; and to seek too much after them, is a sign of Idleness in our selves, and makes us slighted: We must love our Neighbours as our selves; and to shew that we love them, we must not avoid their Company; and to shew that we love our selves, we must sometimes be alone, and take Pleasure in our selves. The Italians have a very significant Proverb, which says, Measure it a hundred Times before you cut it off; meaning you should stand upon your Guard, till you discover the Inclinations of those you converse with, and therefore we should be careful of laying out our Friendship too lavishly at first, since like other Things it will be so much the sooner spent: Neither should it be of too quick a Growth, for the Plants which shoot up too fast, are not of that Continuance as those which take more Time for it: We shall see some who have hot and cold Fits of Friendship, that shall hug you one Day, and not know you the next; this Unevenness of Temper is by all Means to be avoided in Conversation; a good Man will always keep a steddy Course of Friendship, which may run like a smooth Stream, and never change, but be a perpetual Spring; for we cannot find the Gust and Relish of a true and fixed Conversation, till we come to a great Freedom with each other; for they that converse only as Strangers, are always under some Restraints and Uneasiness, and do never open themselves freely the one to the other.
(pp. 68-71)