Dunton, John (1659-1732)

A Voyage Round the World: or, a Pocket-Library, Divided into several Volumes.

London

Printed for Richard Newcome

1691

"However chast his Body may be, his Mind is extreamly prolifick; his thoughts are a perfect Seraglio, and he, like a great Turk, begets thousands of little Infants--Remarks, Fancys, Fantasticks, Crochets and Whirligigs, on his wandring Intellect, and when once begot, they must be bred--so out he turns 'em into the wide World to shift for themselves, after he has put a few black and white Raggs about 'em to cover their Nakedness."

He's a thing wholly consisting of Extreams--A Head, Fingers and Toes; for what his industrious Toes do tread, his ready Fingers do write, his running Head dictating. But to describe him more exactly, He is is made up of a large Head and Ears, some Beams, and most immoderate Tongue, Toes and Fingers; a very Carrier or Foot-post will draw him from any Company that has not been abroad, (excepting always his dear Iris, for she is ever new) meerly because he's a sort of a Traveller: But a Dutch Post ravishes him, and the meer Superscription of a Letter (thô there's ne're a Bill in't) from Boston, Italy, or France, sets him up like a Top, Colen or Germany makes him spin--(and without Whipping too, there's the wonder) and at seeing the word Universe, America, Flanders, or the Holy Land, thô but on the Title of a Book, he's ready to break Doublet, let fall Breeches, (in a civil way ) and overflow the room with all those Wonderments have surpriz'd him in these flourishing Countreys. If he has no Latin or Greek, he makes it up with abundant scraps of Italian, Spanish, French and Dutch, and thô he has little more knowledge in any of 'em than Comestato? Parlez vous? or How vare ye Min-heer? and can hardly buy a Sallat in one Language, or a Herring in t'other; yet when he comes home, he passes with himself and others like him, for a monstrous learned Creature, a Native of every Countrey under Heaven, whereas indeed he's a meer Babylonian, he confounds all Languages, but speaks none, and is so careful to jumble together the Gibberish of other Countreys, that he almost forgets his own Mother Tongue, as the Roman Orator did his Name, only the Writing the History of his Travels makes him remember it agen. All his Discourse is shap'd into a Traveling Garb, and is the same with his Manners and Haviour, looking as if 'twas contriv'd to make Mourners merry. He's all the strange shapes round the Maps put together--one Legg a Hungarian, t'other a Pole; one piece of him a Turk, and the next a Tartar or Moscovite; but if you look on his Face, you'd swear he's a Laplander--so much has Travelling, Wind, Sun and Rain discoulour'd it and alter'd it: However chast his Body may be, his Mind is extreamly prolifick; his thoughts are a perfect Seraglio, and he, like a great Turk, begets thousands of little Infants--Remarks, Fancys, Fantasticks, Crochets and Whirligigs, on his wandring Intellect, and when once begot, they must be bred--so out he turns 'em into the wide World to shift for themselves, after he has put a few black and white Raggs about 'em to cover their Nakedness: But to look upon 'em when they once get abroad--to see how hugely they favour their Father: Do but view 'em all over, and--Here's that will cure your Corns, Gout, Chollick, and what you please; or as the most excellent Saffold--'Twill cure every cureable Disease: (You have heard of the Monkey that cured the Cardinal:) Undo the Colledge, and break Apothecarys Hall, as easily as one of their Glasses. There's no Man who for his sake wou'd n't neglect any thing but Business, that is to say, wou'd not be glad of his Company, when he has nothing else to do:--He'll ask you how you do; where you have been; what News; how is't; if you have Travelled; and above all, (when Publish'd) How you like his Rambles; han't they a fine Frontispiece--Ay, a very fine one; there's Art--there's Thought--well--and then for the Uerses before it, I say Coriat's Book was but a Horn-book to't--they no more deserve to be compared together than Pilgrims Progress and Burton's Wonderments; and so he would Ramble on to the End of the Chapter, did not you out of Civility give him a gentle tweak by the Nose, or kick on the Shins, and ask him whether he knew what he was talking of? Yet as good let him alone, for if you get him out of this Impertinency, he'll ramble into a thousand more, rather than want the Humanity of vexing you--but then such courteous ones they'll be (for he's the very Pink of Courtesie) that ye can't for your Teeth find in your Heart to be angry with him. If he chances to be Shipwrackt, he can't be angry with the Sea or Winds; Nay, is rather pleas'd with 'em, for giving him opportunity to describe a Storm more lively, and tell the World what direful Dangers he escaped, when he swum ashore like a Cæsar, with his Sword in one hand, and his Commentaries in t'other. He's averse to nothing that has Motion in't, and for a Lowse, he dearly loves such a painful Fellow-Traveller, who Rambles over his Microcosm, or lesser World, as he the greater--nibling and sucking here and there, whenever he finds any thing agreeable to his Palate. He's generally for Foot-service, and thinks that much more brave than the Horse, scorning to ride upon four Hoofs, when Nature has given him ten Toes to support him. But if he should be forc'd into such Circumstances, by the surbating his Feet, he envies those happier Criminals who have their Leggs ty'd under their Horses belly, and thinks the most commodious way of riding is with his Face toward the Tayl, for then he can't see any danger 'till he's past it. Other People are for walking with a Horse in their Hand, he's o' the contrary, for riding with his Staff in his Hand, or rather Walking with a Horse between his Leggs, for his Feet still move at the same rate as if they touch'd the ground, and were imployed in their own natural motion.
(pp. 9-14)

Population::Seraglio Body::Begetting Population::Infants Motion::Wandering

C-H Lion

John Dunton, A Voyage Round the World: or, a Pocket-Library, Divided into several Volumes. The First of which contains the Rare Adventures of Don Kainophilus, From his Cradle to his 15th. Year. The like Discoveries in such a Method never made by any Rambler before. The whole Work intermixt with Essays, Historical, Moral and Divine; and all other kinds of Learning. Done into English by a Lover of Travels. Recommended by the Wits of both Universities. 3 vols. (London: Printed for Richard Newcome, 1691). <Link to EEBO-TCP>

06/18/2013