Castle, Terry (b. 1953)

The Professor and Other Writings

New York

Harper Collins

2010

"The idea of sex with a woman, of 'having a lesbian lover,' was simply unthinkable, like living alone at the North Pole or deciding to become a lycanthrope. If the thought existed at all, it was a mote, a sweet nothing--a little 'feather on the breath of God,' barely sensed now and then, but mostly hidden away (pace Donald Rumsfeld) in some dastardly psychic dossier labeled 'Unknown Unknowns.'"

Needless to say, all this inward high-school posturing went undisclosed: as noted, I kept no journal then, nor had I any confidante or sidekick. I wouldn't have dreamed of bringing up intimate subjects with my somewhat addled and uncomprehending mother. Though we never discussed it, I know that she was already worried--when she had time to think about it, that was--by my balky ungirlish demeanor and the fact that for some reason my period hadn't started. Nor would it, mortifyingly, until I was almost eighteen. (One's hormones were plainly on strike: talking tough to management and holding out for a better deal.) At the time I left college I had never slept with anybody or even kissed anyone; nor, when you got right down to it, could I really imagine doing so. The idea of sex with a woman, of "having a lesbian lover," was simply unthinkable, like living alone at the North Pole or deciding to become a lycanthrope. If the thought existed at all, it was a mote, a sweet nothing--a little "feather on the breath of God," barely sensed now and then, but mostly hidden away (pace Donald Rumsfeld) in some dastardly psychic dossier labeled "Unknown Unknowns." I was innocent--gruesomely so--or that was how it seemed.
(p. 170)

Uncategorized::Motes Uncategorized::Feather Writing::Dossier Container::Dossier

Reading

Terry Castle, The Professor and Other Writings (New York: Harper Collins, 2010).

05/18/2011