Sheridan [née Chamberlaine], Frances (1724-1766)

Conclusion of the Memoirs of Miss Sidney Bidulph.

London

Printed for J. Dodsley, in Pall-mall

1770

"I acknowlege myself coxcomb enough to have been pleased with the conquest of a heart on which I set not the least value"

How I curse my stars for what is past! how curse my own folly, my own vanity, my own childish pity, and weak resentment! but above all, how I curse you! yes, you, whose blind officious meddling friendship combined with them all to undo me. Did I not tell you in the beginning that I loved Cecilia, that I adored her, and that I felt nothing for her sister beyond the warmth of friendship? Why did you awaken my compassion, by discovering to me that she loved me? Why did you encourage me to feed a flame that I never thought of kindling, that I never wished, that I never meant to return? This, this is what I accuse you of; but the charge I have against myself is still more flagrant. I acknowlege myself coxcomb enough to have been pleased with the conquest of a heart on which I set not the least value; I acknowlege myself fool enough to have in some moments mistaken mere compassion for love; and I own myself traitor enough to have suffered the simple effusions of gratitude to pass upon an innocent creature for the genuine expresions of passion. My pride urged me on against inclination, and I felt a secret pleasure at the thoughts of humbling Sir George Bidulph, by triumphing in the affections of her whom he calls the boast of his family. See here the scource of all my actions, despicable sot that I was, thus to let such paltry passions wind me about like a machine! That fatal letter, written by the arrogant and ill-boding pen of Bidulph, put the finishing hand to my destruction. He had already given my Cecilia to lord V---, he said, Cecilia herself tells her sister she had a lover; cruel and thoughtless as she was, why did she not then say that she hated him? What a load of remorse would that declaration have spared me! I thought her irretrievably lost to me; her sister's tenderness affected me; jealousy and indignation, mingling with gratitude and pity, lit up a momentary fire in my heart. I offered vows to Miss Arnold, which that heart, treacherous to its master as well as her, forced me in the instant to think sincere. I received hers in return, too, too sincere. I am afraid they are, for such a villain! For will you not think me one? will you not even call me one, when I tell you, that the next day all my indifference for her returned, and I found nothing in my heart but rancour against the happier lord V---?
(pp. 193-5)

War::Conquest::Conquer Heart

Searching for "heart" and "conque" in HDIS (Prose)

6 entries in ESTC (1767, 1770, 1796).

Conclusion of the Memoirs of Miss Sidney Bidulph, As prepared for the Press By the Late Editor of the Former Part (London: Printed for J. Dodsley, in Pall-mall, 1770).

01/20/2005