Lennox, née Ramsay, (Barbara) Charlotte (1730/1?-1804)

The Life of Harriot Stuart. Written by Herself.

London

Printed for J. Payne, and J. Bouquet

1751

"[M]y mother's arguments had steeled his heart"

Captain Belmein had bribed a servant in our family, who acquainted him with every thing that passed which related to me. He understood by her, that my brother was endeavouring to force me to marry Maynard, and that he was shortly expected in A--- for that purpose. This intelligence inflamed him with resentment against my brother. I was wakened one night out of my sleep by a loud shriek of my mother's; and, at the same time, heard my father calling out of his window to the guard to stop my brother, and not suffer him to go out of the gates. I rose immediately, and, throwing on a loose gown, [Page 69] ran to my father's apartment. I met him just as I entered; when, with a look full of fury, he pushed me aside, and went hastily down stairs. My mother seemed to lie breathless and without motion in Mrs. Blandon's arms, surrounded by the other servants, whom her fearful cries had drawn to her apartment. "Tell me, for heaven's sake, cried I, (staring wildly about the room) what is the meaning of all this disorder?" My mother hearing my voice, opened her eyes, and casting a reproachful look at me, "Oh thou disturber of my family! said she, see the effects of your ungovernable passion! Your beloved Belmein has by this time, no doubt, murdered my son." The wild despair that seized me at these words, deprived me instantly of my senses: I fell down in a swoon at my mother's feet; and continued so long in that condition, that they despaired of ever seeing me return to life. The moment I recovered my senses, the terrible words my mother had uttered rushed upon my memory. The image of a brother murdered by the man I loved, wrought so strongly upon my imagination, that I was very near relapsing again into my swoon. "Compose yourself, my dear, said Mrs. Blandon, (who held me in her arms) your brother is safe." "Is my brother alive? cried I, (in a transport of joy.)" "Yes, dear Harriot, said he, (advancing towards me) I am alive; but [Page 70] most sensibly afflicted at the condition I see you in. My mother's unnecessary fears has caused all this disturbance. I never was in any danger." "Have you not quarrelled with captain Belmein? interrupted I, (in the utmost surprize.) Alas! what meant my mother by the terror she expressed, and the cruel words she uttered to me!" "It is certain, said my brother, (taking my hand, which he affectionately pressed) that captain Belmein and I have quarrelled: however, the consequence has been far from fatal, tho' very ridiculous; and I am persuaded it gives him, as well as myself, some reason to be ashamed of it, especially as your mother suffered herself to be so much alarmed. I own, Harriot, continued he, I was most sensibly touched at the sarcastic reflections Belmein threw on my father. He ridiculed his romantic honour (as he called it), in not allowing you to marry him without the governor's consent, with so much apparent malice, that, losing all patience, I retaliated the affront, by loading the governor with the most satirical reproaches, whose sordid avarice, and unjustifiable pride, had rejected an alliance that would have done him honour. In short, in the heat of our fury, each of us gave and received a challenge. We looked for our swords; but the doctor, who had been present at some part of the dispute, conveyed them unperceived out of the room. I [Page 71] remembered my father had always a brace of pistols loaded in his bed-chamber: I desired Belmein to wait for me behind the fort; when, getting unseen into my father's chamber, I took down the pistols, and got out of the gates before the guards, alarmed by my father's orders to stop me, could execute their commission. Guess my surprize, dear Harriot, when, delivering one of the pistols to Belmein, after examining it, he told me, it was not charged; and, supposing mine was, exclaimed against me for the design I apparently had to take away his life unfairly. By this time I found my own pistol in the same harmless condition, and, struck with the reproaches he made me, obliged him to examine it: he did so, and was convinced I had no dishonourable intention. Certainly, never did two fellows make a more ridiculous figure: we stood, for a minute, divided between rage and a strong inclination to laugh, when the appearance of some soldiers, with a serjeant at their head, obliged us to separate. I followed this officer, who had orders to bring me to the fort; where the first object that I cast my eyes upon was my father's man, who, when he saw me, jumped about like one distracted. The rogue had a mind to be witty too, upon my disappointment: Thank heaven, sir, said he, and my negligence for once, that you are safe. If I had loaded the pistols, as my master ordered me, [Page 72] when I cleaned them, it might have been fatal to one or the other. Thus was the whole mystery unravelled. However, my father is so offended, that I despair of appeasing him this long time." In effect, my brother, for some days, was almost as much in disgrace as myself. I was looked upon as an incendiary, who introduced nothing but disorder and confusion into the family. My father was greatly incensed against captain Belmein for this last rashness; and, thro' my mother's continual insinuations, was irritated so highly against me, that he was prevailed on to enter into the most violent measures to oblige me to marry Maynard. I had kept my room three or four days, during which time I was never favoured with a visit from either of them, who were contented with enquiring slightly after me. At last, when I least expected it, my father entered my chamber, and, in a most determined manner, told me, that Mr. Maynard was within two days journey of A---, and that I must resolve to accept him for a husband immediately; protesting, he would never own me as his child, if I refused. It was in vain that I put him in mind of his promise never to force my inclinations: my mother's arguments had steeled his heart: he was proof to all my prayers and tears, and left me, repeating his protestations of eternal displeasure, if I did not resolve to obey him. As [Page 73] soon as he was gone, I flung myself on the floor in a transport of grief and rage: the idea of the detested Maynard, to whom I was to be sacrificed, rose to my imagination with such additional aversion, that (almost distracted with despair at my approaching misery) I, all at once, took a resolution of flying with Belmein. Reason, duty, honour, all oppos'd this wild scheme: but I was capable of listening to nothing but what my dread of being the wife of Maynard inspired me with. Having fixed my resolution, I grew more calm, and wrote a billet to Belmein; in which I told him, in few words, the danger that threatened me, and my purpose of marrying him privately, as he had often requested. When I had finished this, I waited impatiently for the hour of the doctor's visiting me: for my late indisposition had furnished him with a pretence for seeing me twice a day. When he came, I put the billet into his hand, desiring him to convey it immediately to Capt. Belmein. I observed that he seemed greatly surprised at this commission, as I had always refused writing to Belmein before; however he received it with much respect, promising to deliver it directly to my lover. I had appointed him to be at the garden-gate the next evening, from whence I proposed making my escape: my lover had, some time before, received orders from the governour to come immediately to N---, [Page 74] from whence he was to set out with general B---, who was then at ------, to enter as a voluntier in the expedition against Carthagena. He had delayed his journey on various pretences, in order to gain my consent to engage myself to him, before he went away. This, however, I had constantly refused; and nothing but the cruel persecution I suffered upon Maynard's account, could have obliged me to take a step so contrary to my duty.
(pp. 68-74)

Mineral::Steel

Searching "heart" and "steel" in HDIS (Prose)

2 entries in ESTC (1751).

The Life of Harriot Stuart. Written by Herself., 2 vols. (London: Printed for J. Payne, and J. Bouquet, 1751).

06/08/2005